September Switch-Up
Oh September. I love her, I really do. For as long as I have had an awareness of time, I have loved this month because of the newness it comes with. The academic new year meant “back-to-school” shopping with my Mum, and because I’m a big nerd who probably has an unchecked issues concerning academic validation, I lived for it. Who doesn’t want new stationary to match their new syllabus? Then when you add that September is my birth month, it just worked out too well for my mind that craves alignment (some would say it’s the Libra in me) . My personal new year lining up with my academic new year, weirdly, just meant so much to me. Now when I look at it, I think I just love succession, that feeling of graduating, of moving on, of appreciating that some things in life are finite. The fact that I have never been at a new level before, and I will never be at the same level it again, excites me.
This September is a strange one because it feels less like an opening number and more like a swan song, like the beginning of the end. You know I enjoy being dramatic but I’m not even exaggerating this time. This is my last September in the education system before I am thrust into the abyss of real adulting, which includes but isn’t limited to, council tax, lower back pain and living for that “Friday feeling”.
I have experienced a few changes in my life this past month, and I’ve realised that all those times I said I loved change, what I really meant was, I love when things change according to my plan. I have been an emotional mess due to not being able to control certain aspects of my life, but that’s just a life lesson I’m perpetually learning (clearly not fast enough though haha). After letting myself feel through it, I feel like I have finally made it back to myself and I’m starting to touch grass again. Let me briefly run you through some of the said changes.
Okay, the main cause of my anguish was moving away from my friends. We had a great year living together, but when it came to looking for a new place together, our paths weren’t crossing and the maths wasn’t maths-ing so we had to part ways. I still speak to them all the time, and I’m on the same course as one of them so there won’t even be enough distance created for me to miss them. I was so frustrated that we couldn’t make it work the way we wanted to and I definitely got lost in that spiral of disappointment, but focusing on that stopped me from seeing the goodness right in front of me: I have been so blessed by being back at my family home.
I am the youngest in my family, so I was prepared to make some sort of speech to declare that I’m not a baby anymore, but that was never needed because our dynamic shifted accordingly. For example, the last time I lived here, I was a child so I had to ask for permission to go out. Now I just inform my parents that I’m going out - my seventeen-year-old self is green with jealousy. My years as a child in our home outweigh my years as an adult, so I want keep thinking that the dynamics will be as they were four years ago, but of course they aren’t because just as I have changed, so has my family. I’m intrigued to see how these new versions of ourselves continue to develop alongside each other.
On a slightly separate note, I had cute cousin reunion with two of the cousins that I grew up with before they moved to Zimbabwe in 2012. We had seen each other one-on-one over the years, but this was the first time we had all been together since 2019. They are both studying out in the Netherlands, so we took couple days to meet up in Amsterdam. Why I bring this up now is because I had the same experience with them as I did with my family back home. I was nervous that I was going to have to show up as a previous version of myself with them, then slowly reveal who I am now, but that was far from the case. We all arrived as who we are now and we clicked just as well as we did years ago.
I suppose I am just trying to remind myself that change can be fun and growth is ever ongoing. Okay, that’s all for now, see you in the next one!
(its getting cold outside and I’m not readyyyy)
