The Art and the Trappings of a Debrief
The sound of a kettle. Keys being hung up. Wine being poured. These are all sounds that can be followed up by a juicy debrief!
For those of you who may not know, according to the dictionary of Tuso, a debrief is the discussion that takes place between friends to either exchange information and/or opinions about an event that has taken place in their lives. A debrief will typically begin with a captivating story-time, where the speaker will go through the ‘who, what, where and when’ aspects of an event, then the real digging begins when they get into the ‘how and why’. How they got to that stage, how they feel about it, why they feel that way about it. Once everything has been laid out, this is when the council (the listeners) step in to express what they think about what they’ve just heard.
One of the best things about a debrief is that as long as you and your people are gathered, in person or over the phone, it can occur anywhere. Over brunch, in quiet stairwell, or even a public bathroom. However, I do have a list of my top three ways to debrief:
3. A wine night
This one is fun for a group of up to five people who you haven’t caught up with in a few months, so there is a lot of material to go through. Once your brain can’t take in any more information, that’s when the wine comes into keep things giggly (I like Yellow Tail’s Jammy Red Roo). Honestly, after one of these nights, I feel like a woman in S.T.E.M from the amount of data analysis I have done.
2. Tea for two
This setting is more intimate that the previous, fit for you and someone who knows you very well. The conversation is as endless as the tea (I recommend Yorkshire decaf with a splash of oat milk, decaf tastes better!)
1. The morning after a night out
This has to be my favourite because everyone’s debrief is about the same event, so you get to relive the night from at least three different angles. Huddled in one bed, slightly groggy as you collectively build an image of the night before.
cheeky little mid-christmas day debrief with the girls - taken by yours truly
Okay, now you know what I mean by a debrief, but allow me to explain why I love them so much. You cannot have a successful debrief without being vulnerable. If I try to filter a story to make myself look good, everything that council goes on to say is now rendered useless because they haven’t been given the full story. Sometimes, I have to admit that I am the villain, I messed up, and I trust my friends enough to know that they will call me out to be better. There is also the accountability that forms through sharing your highs and lows with someone. When I listen to my friends, I am not only addressing what I have just heard, I am also cross-referencing with the previous stories they have told me, to ensure that their actions now align with that they said they wanted then. I have complete trust that if someone in my council tells me to get over myself, I need to pull my socks up and do just that, because they would never purposely say anything to hurt me, we are all here to see each other grow.
Another feature I love about a good debrief is the power of a shared perspective. This is going to sound so crazy, but there are brief moments where I forget racism exists because of the people I surround myself with. My family and I share the same culture, and anyone who I call a good friend is anti-racist, so in my world, life is good. Its only when I step into predominately white spaces or institutional spaces where I feel like there could be something wrong with me because of how I’m being treated. Then when I sit down with a friend to relay the events, they remind me that these situations have nothing to do with me and everything to do with that person’s internalised white supremacy complex (or a tasty combination of racism and sexism). If I didn’t have the community that I have now, who affirm my identity, I honestly think I would be losing my mind under these conditions.
On the other hand, there is an issue that I have noticed within myself because of my love of a story time: not being present. This past month I have had the joy of going to places I haven’t been to before, meeting new people, trying new things etc., so I have had exciting stories to tell. The problem arises when I try to tell the story before the moment has ended, like I am watching myself on TV as I attempt guess what the plot twist is. That is awful because on those occasions, I robbed myself of an experience. I should live, then tell if I wish, rather than be living in order to tell.
Let me wrap this up by saying, I hope you have people in your life who you are excited to run back to at the end of the day because you know that they’ll champion you, but also call you out if you’re acting up. Live and have fun and don’t develop main character syndrome!
See you in the next one, take care of yourself!
